"Love is a harsh and dreadful thing to ask of us, but it is the only answer."--Dorothy Day



One morning my senior year of college, I was getting ready to go to school or work or something, when the door bell rang. I ran downstairs and found the Travis County SWAT Team standing at my door. Another person renting a room in this house, who had consequently stolen my credit cards and a pair of my shoes, had a warrant out for his arrest and they had just tracked him down. Sadly, he had moved out the day before, surely financed by my Mastercard. This is fairly high ranking on the weird way to wake up scale, and was maybe my weirdest...until today.

My apartment is equipped with a buzzer that does nothing to open the gate downstairs, so people buzz and then you have run downstairs and let them in. My upstairs neighbors are notorious for leaving their keys in the apartment and buzzing willy-nilly to get someone to come downstairs. Much like I don't answer my phone when it's someone I don't know, I've stopped answering the door when I'm not expecting anyone.

So this morning I was asleep and there was a buzz. I did not get up to get it, because I thought it was just the neighbor and I'm teaching her a lesson in acquiring keys. I'm not very nice when I'm sleeping. Then the buzzing continues, which is par for the course. And then there's a really long buzz, which generally means that someone has pressed too hard and the buzzer is stuck. But it stops, and I answer, and it's the Fire Department. My roommate already knows this as he has looked out the window and seen them, and he runs down to let them in. And so, and entire company, precinct, district, house (I don't know what they call themselves) comes traipsing into my apartment to check my fire escape with urgency and tools that really should only be used when there are flames involved. So I stand in the middle of my living room in my pajamas as 10 burly men with pointy tools move my furniture and climb out my windows and yell and sweat and make comments about my decor. And then decide that nothing needs to be done, and ruckus on out the door. Thanks FDNY.


nathansethjones said...

This is a very funny story. You should write more things like this. And, at least, this unexpected entrance by men in uniform wasn't the result of someone having committed a crime against you. At least there's that.

JTB said...

Are you sure Tom wasn't playing a practial joke on you? reporting you for too many candles in your apartment or something?

kristen said...

This is hilarious. I feel cheated that I only just read it.