"Love is a harsh and dreadful thing to ask of us, but it is the only answer."--Dorothy Day


Did I Forget to Mention...

That I Got A New Job?!?!?!?! Wooooo...WooHoo! Oow! Woot!

As of January 11th, I will no longer be at my crappy, crappy job. I am the new assistant director of a program downtown, which will take like 3 hours a day off my commute, and will save what is left of my vocational sanity. Woot!


On Joy...

On Sunday, my family unit (consisting of Nathan and Wilber, and myself) was asked to light the advent candle representing joy. I was at first very grateful to be at a church that acknowledges the importance of these people in my life. And then was glad for our candle to be the candle of joy. [The first week of Advent, Nathan was highly, highly amused that my first instinct for the candles was "Hope, Peace, Love and Happiness," the order of the last three being a kickback from my hippie days when I used to sign everything with a peace sign, heart and smiley face and sign my name with a flower at the end of it.]

Joy has been an elusive thing for me. I tend to dwell in all the murky and mucky parts of life, and think that I am failing at something because I have yet to find happiness, which is joy, which is of God. But then something has changed within me as of late. I have begun to realize that joy is something different. That it can be found in the midst of sorrow, exhaustion and worry. That it can bring with it peace, and hope, and is found where love is present. On my way to church on Sunday morning, exhausted from having worked the previous night in the mounting snow, I sat on the train and thought about what it was that we were about to read to the church. And I thought of the days of laughter spent with friends celebrating holidays and birthdays and Tuesdays. Of the glimmers of hope with difficult patients, and of people in my life who see and understand what it is that I am trying to do. So as the holidays, and the New Year approach, I continue to seek the joy in life, to know that contentment may be better than happiness, and to look to the coming days with hope that it can only get better. Peace to you.


Moments ago the day passed away that marked my 29th birthday. I confess I have been dreading this day. As I said with 28, I don't age well. The numbers really bother me, and I often feel like there are milestones one should reach at certain points in time. So, that's one of the things I've been working on this year. Learning to be content where I am, knowing that God is at work in my life and that I am where I am supposed to be and am doing what I am supposed to be doing. So the highlights of 28, in no particular order...

(1) Decided not to go to my high school reunion, without guilt or strain.

(2) Started teaching Sunday school. Granted most weeks there is only one kid in my class, but she is maybe my favorite kid so it's good. And it provides me with levity that my life is often lacking...and opportunities to sing 'the Noah Song' (as seen on Ugly Betty) at the top of my lungs and to discuss the actual location of Santaland (which is neither in Zimbabwe nor in New Jersey).

(3) Got the tattoo I've wanted since I was 20 or so.

(4) Found the job that is the reason I became a social worker, and it is nothing like I thought it would be. I am exhausted and at times overwhelmed by the gravity of it, but I know that I am doing something good and worthwhile.

(5) Reconnected with friends I have dearly missed.

(6) Made new friends who I adore.

(7) Celebrated a 10th Friendiversary (or friendship anniversary).

(8) Have fully moved on, and started over.

(9) Have begun to let go...just a little bit.

I've decided that 29 will be the year I become outwardly edgy. Don't ask why, as I have no idea. And I'm not sure yet what this will include, but I'll let you know as it progresses.